The future turns out to be something that you make instead of find.  It isn’t waiting for your arrival, either with an arrest warrant or a band, nor is it any further away than the next sentence, the next best guess, the next sketch for the painting of a life portrait that might become a masterpiece.  The future is an empty canvas or a blank sheet of paper, and if you have the courage of your own thought and your own observation, you can make of it what you will.  -Lewis Lapham

The law of attraction works in my life, and I am grateful for validation.

Every day as I venture out into the world, I have a few affirmations I say to myself, and one of those is, “I attract love, I attract success, I attract respect, I attract health, and I attract wealth.”  I say these things to help build up my spiritual armor, to ward off those little nagging arrows of doubt, and self-doubt, that get fired at me as I travel my path through life.

These little seeds of success are growing, and giving me the confidence I need to actually go out and achieve the things I desire, or have a passion for.  These seeds in turn, act as a blessing when I cross paths with others in this life.  How?  When people gossip, or when people offer up “constructive criticism,” neither of these usually are truly constructive.  Usually it is self-doubt, a lack of self-confidence, that causes people to demean, or belittle others to make themselves feel good.  This is something I do my best not to participate in, I instead try to focus on the positive aspects of people.  I try to offer up compliments instead of criticism, because I no longer need to find fault in others, in order to try to lift myself up.

An added benefit to having this inner confidence is it draws people to you.  You have got something they want in their life, and they want to know what it is.  You in a sense become a human magnet.  If you have not seen anything like this in action before, then just walk with Jan or Linda through any casino poker room, and watch how a lunch party of three, quickly turns into twelve.

Now I say I am grateful for validation, and it is because of something that was said to me last night at work.  I was working with my manager last night, it wasn’t an especially busy night, but at times the traffic seemed steady.  We were at a lull when I decided to take a quick restroom break, and when I came back to the kiosk people began to line up, and Andreea looked at me and said, “It’s like you attract people when you come in here,” and she meant it.

I always felt it was true, that when I arrived at work, somehow people would just start showing up.  People would tell me how dead it had been all day, and then I would clock in, and all I would see is steady business for the rest of the day, and inevitably I would be working alone for the most part.

The interesting thing is, is she used the word ATTRACT to describe what happens when I would come to work.  I know I attract people, I feel it when I walk through places, I feel like the eyes of the world are on me at times.  Are they?  Not necessarily, but even if it is just one set of eyes, it will be the right set of eyes.  Those eyes will someday belong to the love of my life, or the key to an invaluable opportunity, because I do attract many things.  I attract love, I attract success, I attract respect, I attract health, and I attract wealth.

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photo credit: talo_ar

Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.  ~Elbert Hubbard

Today, because I am grateful for morning, you get a bonus quote.

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.  No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.  And the fact that it practically always doesn’t, matters not a jot.  The possibility is always there.  ~Monica Baldwin

I will repeat myself, every day you wake up, is not just a new work day, or new school day, or maybe even your day off, it is another day you woke up on this side of the grass, and because of that, it is another day of opportunities, so don’t waste it.

It is 7:45 in the a.m., and I am up writing my blog, like I do every day.  I don’t have to be at work until 3:30 this afternoon, but I still choose to get up and have my quiet time, listening to some soft music, and mentally prepare myself for this new day, even though I didn’t go to bed until almost three.  I can always nap later, I just now have this drive to get up bright and early, and write a new post.

Every morning greets me with a new set of opportunities, possibility is in the air, as the quote says, it really doesn’t matter if everything I hope for manifests itself or not TODAY, the possibility is still there.  And if God blesses me with another day, those possibilities will be there for me again tomorrow morning.

There are many paths for me to take today, and it is up to me to make the choices in which direction I will head, it is so empowering knowing that I am fully responsible for my happiness, and creating my own reality.  I get to choose today if I will be happy or sad, and so do you.  I know which one benefits me more.

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There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.  ~William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues

Yes, I am still grateful for my job at Starbucks.

Most people hate their jobs, but I honestly love mine.  Is it what I will choose to do for the rest of m life?  No, this is but just one stop on my journey, but for now I can find so much to be grateful for when I go to work.

When I go to work, I get to hang out with a great group of people.  When I enter the kiosk, I set the tone.  I prepare myself mentally before I go into work, and honestly, I try to find something funny to say as I walk through the doors.  My goal is to get a laugh as soon as I enter that kiosk, and 99.9% of the time, I’m successful.  Often times the first words I hear are, “I’m so glad you’re here.”  People enjoy working with me, because not only do I bring hard work to the table, but I make sure to brighten their day.

Also, it is true what they say about grocery stores.  If you want to pick up women, it’s much better than a singles bar.  I get to people watch all day long.  Not only do I get to watch some of the more interesting and funny things that occur in life, but I get to interact with beautiful women all day long, and boy that sure helps the day go by a bit quicker.

We also have a great group of repeat customers that come to our store.  I am making every effort I can to get to know them even if it is just a little bit.  If I don’t know their name, we at least try to get to know their drink, it is true, just like in the lyrics to the theme song from Cheers.  “You wanna go where everyone knows your name.”

Sure we get a few that come through there with attitude, we also get those, who, when ordering a drink, think that the concoction they are creating is the cure for every ailment known to man, and leave nothing out.  We had a lady the other night who after reading off the laundry list that was her simple cup of coffee, realized how nit picky she was being and apologized to us.  I told her what I have told a number of customers in recent weeks, “We are more than happy to do it, because without you, I would not be getting a paycheck this Friday.”

These are trying times in our economy, and Starbucks is feeling the pinch.  People are having to choose between paying $4.30 for a fancy coffee, or buy a gallon of gas, or milk.  So yeah, I am grateful you ordered a coffee that takes five minutes to explain, because I’m going to get paid this Friday for making it.

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Never ruin an apology with an excuse.  ~Kimberly Johnson

I am grateful this morning that I can choose not only how I react to life, but how I can affect others’ lives too.  Although I am not responsible for other people’s happiness, I am responsible for how I interact with them.

I am learning that thoughts, and words are extremely powerful, so much so, that we have a huge responsibility with how we use them.  To speak negative words over someone’s life can cause so much damage, and to speak negative words around them, can bring their spirit down.

I spent the day yesterday taking care of some family issues.  There is a spirit that has possessed our family for some time, I call it a curse.  I know it did not begin just with my father, it was passed down from someone before him, quite possibly his own father.  But we all shared a view, that we called being “realistic.”  In other words, we looked at life, and all it had to offer, “realistically.”  We didn’t expect much, because we didn’t think it had much to offer.  We were often told that we were pessimists, but shrugged it off as being realists.  I now know we were wrong.

The view we had of the world, was that, while we claimed we didn’t expect bad to happen, we knew that the world conspired against us to make bad happen, so it was always a possibility, so be prepared.  That view of the world has now been passed down to another generation with my nieces.  I take full responsibility for the part I played in all of that.  I can now see the damage it is causing in their own lives, having this jaded view of the world.

I have been doing what I can to change all of that, and I know that there are people in this world, who look at me, and my new belief system, like a fat guy on a diet.  Sure, I’m all excited about it now, and I’m watching what I eat, but deep down, they know I’m going to succumb to the temptation, and start eating all those cookies again.  Once you create a certain perception for the world to see, it is hard to overcome that, especially with those closest to you.

My family will be the hardest to convince that I have changed my ways, not because they don’t see the changes, but because they still see me as just Cary.  I am JUST their brother, their uncle, their nephew, their cousin, who am I to teach them a better way to live their life, especially when in the past, I had failed so miserably at my own.

Regardless, I owned up to my faults, and I apologized for any and all negative words I had spoken around them, over them, and about them.  I apologized for the negative comments I made about the world, for all of the negative comments I spoke about life.  I asked them for forgiveness, and that is all I can do.  It is up to them now to choose how they wish to live their lives.  For me, I honestly am finding this much easier.

Some people may think I’m a fool, but I don’t care, I am happy.  If I could have found this much happiness in worshiping a Strawberry Pop Tart, or by squeezing my lucky chunk of dryer lint, I would have done so.  Who cares whether the world believes it is real or not, if it is having a positive impact upon your life, that is all that matters.  If it benefits you, and lifts you up, as well as others, then that is all that matters.

I am grateful God let me live long enough, to have the opportunity to take care of what I did yesterday.  Each day is not just a new work day, it is not just a new school day, or a day off.  Each day is an opportunity to take care of the things we need to, in order to prepare ourselves for the next part of the journey.

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Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance. — Epicurus

I don’t know what took me so long to realize how wealthy I truly was, when I look around at all the things that bring me joy, I am truly grateful for the joy I have in my life.

A poor man looks into his wallet, or his bank account to determine his worth, but a rich man beyond measure, looks to others signs, to determine his wealth.

If I were to say that I had absolutely no worries in life, I would be lying to you.  But the truth is, that the joy I feel overshadows all of that.  I am finding joy in so many little things, and the amazing fact is, the more joy I find, the more joy I attract into my life.

Personal responsibility.  That is it in a nutshell.  You make thousands of choices every day, from as simple as picking which number two pencil you will use from your drawer, to whether or not you’re pulling the plug on Aunt Bertha, because it is her time to go.  But more importantly.  You make a choice on how to react to all of these events, you make a choice on which perspective you choose to view them with.  You make a choice on whether or not you will be happy or sad

Take some time, take a look around you.  Past the overdue bills, past that husband that treats you with disrespect, past that dead end job, and find your joy.

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photo credit: geishaboy500

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. — Douglas Adams

There is a difference to think that you might have a book in you, and to actually write one.  I completed my outline for my new book, along with a rough draft of the first chapter, and it was because of the help of a deadline, which is why I am grateful.

I won’t pretend as if in the past I was the most diligent, focused person, who stayed on task.  I could have very well been the poster child for ADD, that is one of my flaws I am currently working on.

I really am liking the direction that this book is taking, and the ideas I have come up for it.  But what happens, is life sort of gets in the way, or so I allow it to, and then four or five days go by, and I haven’t made any progress.  So, to help keep me moving along, I asked a friend to act as a publisher / editor, and for him to set deadlines.

This serves two purposes.  It forces me to complete each task by a certain date, or risk embarrassment.  I don’t want to have to make excuses as to why I did not get this done, especially when I really analyze what I did in the last few weeks, knowing I could have found more time if I chose to.  It also helps me to work on another flaw of mine, and that is to establish smaller goals, that allow me to complete much bigger ones in the process.

One thing I am learning here recently, trying to juggle work, play, along with my writing, and spiritual studies, I need to manage my time more wisely.  Beginning this week I will be weaning myself from television.  After analyzing my television habits, I am finding that I am spending still, way too much time in front of the boob tube.  I take what I view seriously, and even though I am a discerning viewer, I have found that it is adding up to over twenty hours a week.

The crux of the problem is not just the amount of hours I watch, it is when I watch it.  I work some weeks four days, and others five.  I am still working on increasing my health, and running into serious issues of back pain, that force me to spend my time after work recovering.  The pain has decreased my motivation in a lot of cases.  There are times where when I am home, all I want to do is sit, or lie down with my back on the heating pad.  Other times, I have no energy due to the effect of muscle relaxers.  Then come my days off, on these days my back has time to recover, not to mention I stay away from the meds.  I begin to feel a bit of energy, and motivation, and now its time to catch up on my shows, and all of a sudden I’m trying to cram a weeks worth of television into those days off.

To sum it all up.  Having a deadline is making me more productive.  As soon as I do sit down and work on my book, the passion is once again reignited, and I can see the finished product.  I honestly think if executed properly, this will be an entertainment hit.  So what am I waiting for?  It is time to quit sitting on the couch of life, and letting some boobs in Hollyweird feed my brain, and my soul.  It is time I do this for myself, and instead of watching life play out on the small screen, experience it for myself.

So hell yeah, I am grateful for deadlines.  Deadlines keep me in check, they keep my nose to the grindstone, the deadlines are teaching me how to set small goals, and accomplish those, in order to achieve the big ones.  I am also grateful for the support of a friend, who is willing to be strong enough to call me on the carpet if I make excuses, and forgiving enough, if I get a little pissy about it.

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If you’re being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade. ~Author Unknown

I am grateful for perspective, it allows me to see the hidden blessings, and lessons in all that happens in my life.

I was having a conversation with my father last night, and he was telling me about his experience on Saturday when he got a flat tire. Everywhere he went, he heard the same story. “No, we cannot repair that tire, it would be too dangerous.” They then tried to sell him over $300.00 in tires. He went to four different stores, and each time was told the same thing.

My father of course saw this as some sort of conspiracy to sell more tires, but in the end, he saw the blessing. The simple fact was that the tires were balding, and it would be too dangerous for them to attempt to fix it, and since he drives from Seattle to Tacoma and back every weekend, sometimes twice, it was time for him to get new tires. The fact that he had to buy new tires wasn’t really the issue, the issue was more or less the cost involved. But lo and behold, he went to Sam’s Club, and was able to get two new tires, along with installation and balancing for only $218.00, a savings of around $100.00.

This is where perspective comes in. Instead of focusing on the fact that he had to buy new tires, he now realizes he should focus on the fact that his car is now that much safer, and not only that, he was blessed by saving that much money in the process. Is the glass half full, or half empty?

Whatever you wish to call it, the secret, the Law of Attraction, the power of positive thinking, it all boils down to one thing. Perspective. It is all about how you choose to see life, and all it has to offer. It reminds me of the movie Jacob’s Ladder, one of my all time favorites. Throughout the movie, the main character sees demons chasing him, but eventually he learns that his time has passed, and once he accepts the fact that he has died, and these are in fact his guides to that next existence, it is then they become angels in the form of the little boy he lost tragically years before. Once again, perspective.

I now choose to focus on all the good that the universe has brought for me, and do my best to find the hidden blessings, and lessons in the bumps along the way. I am in no way saying it is always easy, but eventually, those demons will turn into angels, it all depends upon how you choose to see them.

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Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.  ~Berthold Auerbach

Music is such an important part of my life, it helps me to raise my vibrational level, when I need a positive boost.  It helps me to keep me pointed forward, and moving along my path, it helps to keep me in the now, and act with intent and purpose.   So, yes, I am grateful for music.

My days are filled with a lot of work, whether it is my real life job, or the construction that is going on within, as I rebuild myself from the inside out.  One thing I try to do now is to ensure that whatever I take in, has to fill two very important requisites, it must either feed the mind, or the soul, and if it does both, that just makes my “work” that much easier.

I am applying this in all facets of my life, whether it is t.v., music, or books.  This does not mean I am only watching shows, listening to music, or reading books that are only spiritual in nature.   If a book inspires me, if a movie, or show makes me laugh, or once again inspires me, or if a song, makes me want to sing, or dance, then it is feeding the soul, and it is allowed on my spiritual “diet.”

For example, a good movie I watched just last night that was very inspirational, was a movie about Vince Papale, a bartender from South Philadelphia, who in the 70’s, made it as a walk on player with the Philadelphia Eagles.  The movie is titled Invincible, and was not only entertaining, but inspirational.   Something like this, feeds the soul.  The latest in reality show fare, like Celebrity Drug Rehab, or Maury Povich, does not.

But music, reaches me at a completely different level, it is something I can carry throughout the day.  On my way to work, I play something upbeat, positive, something that has a tempo, something that raises my vibrational energy, and I crank it up, loud!

I usually arrive to work, anywhere form 10-15 minutes early, and I sit in my car and I use the music to help me prepare for my day.  I meditate on how I want the day to go, and then when its show time, I exit my vehicle,  take the music with me, and the music stays with me all day long. I guarantee you, if you were to sneak up to me at work, you will find me cleaning the lobby, or changing out the condiment station, and you will hear me humming the last song I heard before I went into work.

If the day gets a bit stressful, or the line gets long and the orders backed up, instead of allowing negative thoughts to take hold, once again, I begin to hum.  I get back in line with something positive, I raise my vibrational energy, and now I can think of things I do want in life, instead of what I don’t want, and during that period, all I want is for things to flow smoothly, and the music forces me to slow down just a bit, and not to rush.

I am grateful for the presence of mind that music brings, for helping me to center myself, I am grateful that it helps me to raise my vibrational energy, that it allows me to maintain my focus, and work in the now, so the future, as I create my present reality, takes care of itself.

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photo credit: Venkat Damara

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.  ~Jean Houston

I approach every day with a challenge, find someone who needs it, and make them laugh.  I do this for two reasons, one its just good karma, two, it keeps me on my creative toes.  There is no level that I won’t stoop to, in order to make this happen.  Give it some time, and some of the most nonsensical stuff will just flow from somewhere deep within, and if you have the ability to relax, and allow me a bit of artistic license, I guarantee you, you will laugh.

Laughter is a powerful medicine.  It is being used in therapeutic situations in order to treat depression, to alleviate stress and pain, and it is a powerful motivator.  When you laugh, endorphins, the body’s natural pain killer is released, it is a cheap, but good high.

The ability to laugh, I find, makes life that much easier.  It is definitely much harder work, and far less enjoyable to walk around with a chip on your shoulder and a frown on your face.  Smiling , and laughing opens you up to all kinds of possibilities, because you are now approachable, and people are more likely to respond in kind, not to mention it is physically less demanding.

The most important thing for me, is that laughter helps the time fly by in situations where you are prone to clock watching, like work, school, or even Church.  I appreciate that there is a place and time for everything, but just because life ends with a funeral, doesn’t mean life should be lived like one.

I am grateful for laughter, and I am grateful that I bring it to the world, that is my gift, that is my purpose that God instilled in my heart.

“Have reverence for the product, and irreverence for everything else.” 

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Eddie my brother, Michele my sister, me, and my mother Diana Louise Ferguson, circa 1967

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray

Today I am grateful for my mother.

I am a mama’s boy, growing up my father was a busy man with his own carpet business. We saw him on occasion, but for the most part, it was my mother who we spent time with.

My mother used to sneak me out of the house, and take me to see movies. I got my love for movies, among other things, from my mother. She introduced me to such great films and directors like Woody Allen, Cabaret, The Who’s Tommy, I was only about 8 or 9, when I saw these movies. During high school, she worked for the post office driving mail from Texas to California and back. She would be on the road for four days, and home for three, when she would come home, we would spend those three days watching movies. We would go to the local video store, rent about eight hours worth of movies, stay up all night watching them, take a nap, and then go get some more.

My life changed dramatically when I was 10, my mother and father divorced. This was not a friendly affair, the battles lasted for years, almost 10, our family would never be the same.

My mother was a beautiful woman, but she changed drastically. Instead of spending time with her children, she chose to spend most of her time in bars. We were an upper middle class family, and my mother now chose to date men who we in Texas would refer to as poor white trash. It had nothing to do with economic status, these were people who chose paths in their lives to offer nothing to the rest of the world, in most cases the paths they chose would end up with them being on the other side of the law.

But I still loved my mother, she was the woman, who, when I was a child, seemed she could make every dream come true, and every nightmare go away. I made a lot of attempts at connecting with my mother, but it became very apparent that she no longer wanted to be a mom, she just wanted to be loved, and would do whatever it took to get that love, even if that meant allowing her children the freedom to destroy their lives, and some of my siblings took that route.

To say my mother’s childhood was bad, would be an understatement of gigantic proportions. What you see is a picture of a beautiful little girl, with an amazing smile, and a twinkle in her eye. But hidden is the pain of years of abuse at the hands of an evil woman, who was my grandmother.

I never fully realized the damage that was done to my mother, until as a grown man I was sitting with her one night, when the phone rang, and it was my grandmother on the line, and my mother began to tremble. The effects of years of abuse still manifested themselves in a woman who was almost 50, talking to her mother over the phone, who was hundreds of miles away.

The pain of that childhood, the pain of life my mother endured, put her in and out of hospitals many times. She suffered from depression, she suffered from anxiety. She threatened to take her life on numerous occasions, and made many attempts, she finally got her wish on March 1st, 2003. I got the call late that night, I had been trying to get my mother to come out to Las Vegas to stay with me and the girls, for however long she wished to. But it was too late. I pleaded with my father to drive down to her apartment to confirm that it was her, there had been so many rumors before, but eventually we would find out this time it was definitely true. There was the possibility it was murder, and I spent my night hoping it was, because if not, it meant that our mother had one last time shunned her children.

I spent the rest of that night, well into the next day crying. I have never cried this much in my life, I couldn’t stop, I was inconsolable, the flow of tears was uncontrollable. I couldn’t decide if I was crying more for my mom, or myself. The guilt I was feeling was amazingly heavy. I knew I could have been a better son, I knew that I could have done more to make her happy, to make her proud, and I failed her.

Weeks later, in a conversation with my father, we learned that my mother had more than likely planned on not only taking her life, but his as well. She called him that afternoon and had instructed him to come over, but to leave my brother at home. Their relationship had changed after so many years, and they had become friends, but something told my dad that day not to go. There was something in her voice my father said, that was unsettling

It is five years later to the week, and I have to come to terms with forgiving not only her, but myself. It is a struggle to find the gratitude in the life of someone, when all you are faced is with the tragedy, but I will give it a shot.

I am grateful for the years I had with my mother. I am grateful for the amazing childhood I had the good, and the bad. I am grateful for the passions in my life that I inherited from my mother. I am grateful for the sacrifices she made in the name of her children. I am grateful for the love that she showed her grand daughters. I am grateful for the lessons in life that I learned from her pain, and from her mistakes. I am grateful that God chose her to be my mom, for whatever reason that may be, which I know will be revealed to me in due time.

I love you mom, and I hope and pray that you finally found some happiness, and a release of the pain that you held onto so strongly, I have to let you go now, but there will come a time when we will be together again.

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