(Will Blog For Lammers)

I started my site carydarling.com almost two years ago with the intention of filling it up with my attempts at humorous insight into the life of a low limit poker player living in Las Vegas. I titled it A High Limit Life At A Low Limit Table. This was also to be the title of my book if and when it ever got published, silly me I even have the cover art already planned but haven’t written a single chapter.  Is this the definition for delusions of grandeur?
What’s the dealio?  You ask. I quickly allowed life to get in the way of living and the site has been collecting dust ever since, but no more.  It’s almost 3 a.m. and a I have a million ideas rushing through my head and I have to get at least one of them out.

To say that I love poker would be an understatement.  I totally obsess over it.  I am Glenn Close to poker’s Michael Douglas and while on the subject of Mr. Douglas, contrary to popular belief and Mr. Douglas’ birth certificate poker is not the older of the two.

I think about poker all the time, I just can’t get enough it. I read poker books, poker magazines, TIVO all the poker shows, talk poker with friends, and just between you and me I even bought Vince Van Patten’s instructional DVD just in case there was a tip out there I missed.  But I have one problem, I am broke.  Ever since my business started to go under right about the same time my site went up I have not been able to play poker with any consistency, or with a proper bankroll so it always seems I am watching from afar as my true love is courted by another fellow, and with the World Series of Poker going on just a short drive from my house the pain is just that much more unbearable..

Now don’t get me wrong.  I have made my moves, I have made my attempts at wooing that wily temptress, I have even “stopped short” and copped a feel of some poker boobie.  But poker, she’s a high maintenance gal and I can’t seem to keep her in the lifestyle that she’s accustomed to.

So what are my solutions?  I have been really thinking this through and I have laid out below some of the ideas I came up with.

1. Parlay Partay:  My parlay partay would begin with digging through my change buckets, car seats and couch cushions converting all $9.00 of it into cash and then putting it on red at Boulder Station and doubling down  after each consecutive win.
2. Scamway:   I could join a pyramid scheme I’ve been eyballing and see if I can get ten friends to sign up under me to sell a revolutionary dietary supplement that is not only a colon cleanser but an engine additive that will increase your gas mileage.
3. Lather, Rinse, Repeat :  SuperCuts has a beauty school nearby that I could attend, and once I graduate I will marry a hot little female poker pro who will let me sweat her live cash games, and then in 2007 I should cash in at  least seven events at the World Series of Poker.
   This to me seems more attainable and makes much more sense than flying to Trinidad, Colorado to have a sex change, then move to Hollywood get nominated for an Oscar only to leave the movie star life to travel the poker circuit with my new boyfriend who’s adorable antics and attire  have led to him being nicknamed after a homegrown terrorist.
4. 10,000:1 Shot:   I could win the 2006 World Series of Poker Main event, the problem with this solution is I do not have the $10,000 buy in hence the title “Brother Can You Spare A Lammer.”  I’ve considered sitting in the hallway at the Rio that leads to the WSOP with this written on a piece of cardboard using my angry crayons.
   $10,000,000.00 or so will be going to the winner of this year’s main event.  That is a lot of money, and while I am sure it won’t buy me happiness I can assure you it will enable me to rent it for a little while.

Now these are just a few of my more realistic ideas, I have many more  but they are just crazy.

In the meantime I decided I’m going to start blogging again, starting with my experiences at the 2006 WSOP, not from behind the cards, not at a final table but from the rail.

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