“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” - Albert Einstein

In the book Today Matters, John Maxwell makes an interesting assessment on how we spend our days. We are either repairing, or preparing. In other words, yesterday is the past, and tomorrow is just a promise. All we really have is today, and today is either spent repairing yesterday, or preparing for tomorrow.

In his book he discusses what he calls the daily dozen, these are twelve decisions he has made over his lifetime, that he feels has helped him to become the successful leader he is today. He doesn’t teach people how to make these decisions, he teaches people how to manage decisions.   Making decisions is the easy thing, it is managing them that is tough.

For example, some of us have decided we want to lose weight, but managing that decision, monitoring our food intake, as well as maintaining some sort of physical regiment is where most of us fail. In a speech he gave at a conference, John tells the story of a man who decides that he will start going to the gym on New Year’s day. As the man approaches the gym in his car, the lot is so full, there is a security officer out front directing traffic, and informing people they must park down the street. The man is now frustrated, because he now has to walk two blocks to the gym, and as he enters the gym, he sees that every machine is full, in fact there is a thirty to forty minute wait for each machine. He has had enough. Angry, he approaches the manager at the front desk, and informs the young man that they need to expand their parking lot, and buy more machines, because they are clearly not meeting their demand. The manager just smiles at the angry man and tells him, “Go home, and come back in about six weeks. By that time, you will not only be able to park in the parking lot, but you could park in the lobby right here. The machines will be empty and there will be no waiting.”

This brings up a very valid point, because it is something we all do, or have done in our lifetimes. We make that New Year’s Resolution, we make that new decision, but in the end, we just don’t manage it.  Or, we do management, but in huge chunks of time, so big that it becomes overwhelming.

Below, I have included his daily dozen. At first glance for some they may not seem that tough, for others the list may be overwhelming. In his book, he suggest that you don’t try to tackle them all at the same time, it took him over thirty years to learn how to manage these twelve decisions, in fact he readily admits on some (in particular health), he still has some issues. His suggestion is, to pick your top two that you’re strongest in, and make yourself even stronger in that area of your life, and then pick just one that you’re weak in, and work on that.

The book is a fantastic read, as is all of his material, and it just makes so much sense. His daily dozen reminds me a bit of the old 12 step philosophy of just one day at a time. Because that is all we have, just today, so I guess we better make it count.

The Daily Dozen

1. Just for today I will choose and display the right attitude.
2. Just for today I will determine and act upon important priorities.
3. Just for today I will know and practice healthy guidelines.
4. Just for today I will practice and develop good thinking.
5. Just for today I will communicate with and care for my family.
6. Just for today I will make and keep proper commitments.
7. Just for today I will earn and properly manage finances.
8. Just for today I will deepen and live out my faith.
9. Just for today I will initiate and invest in solid relationships.
10. Just for today I will plan for and model generosity.
11. Just for today I will embrace and practice good values.
12. Just for today I will seek and experience improvement.

I will manage these decisions, just for today, and someday I will see the compounding results of several days lived well.

So simple, it makes a lot of sense huh? I just thought I would pass something along to my friends, something that has inspired me to help me manage important parts of my life. In fact, just like Mr. Maxwell, I have these printed out onto an index card, that I have laminated, and carry with me in my car, and sometimes I even tape it tot he espresso machine at work, to serve as a reminder that yes, today does matter.

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The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart.  ~Julien Green

As I said in my previous post, the journey continues, and as in every journey, there is always the opportunity to get off track.  Here’s the thing.  You may not really know you’re off track, and imagine if you were a ship, and you were to be off on your destination from LA to Japan by just a few degrees.  That’s the difference from hitting Japan, and ending up in one of the poles.  The longer the journey, the further off track those small little tangents can take you if you’re not paying attention.

What got me off track?  Well my thoughts did.  I talk about thoughts being things, and creating your own reality, the Law of Attraction etc.  One thing you can definitely attract really quick, is more thoughts like the ones you currently hold.  Imagine hearing a song early in the morning, it doesn’t even have to be a beautiful song, in fact I would wager that more often than not when this happens it’s the most ridiculous song you can think of like “The wheels on the bus go round and round.”  You hear this song and it gets stuck in your head and you think about it all day long, as the day progresses it enters your consciousness with more and more frequency, you even find yourself humming it while waiting for the coffee to finish brewing in the break room.

What’s my point?  Well I love music, and I have been listening to the Soundtrack for the movie, “Into The Wild,” b Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam fame.  This is an amazing soundtrack, and I have been listening to it probably 2 times a day, and will even hum the songs while at work.  “So what?”  You are probably asking yourself.  Well let me post the lyrics to my favorite song on the CD, the song is titled “Long Nights.”

Have no fear
For when I’m alone
I’ll be better off than I was before

I’ve got this light
I’ll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel…
I’m falling…I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I’m falling
I am falling safely to the ground
Ah…

I’ll take this soul that’s inside me now
Like a brand new friend
I’ll forever know

I’ve got this light
And the will to show
I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel…
I’m falling…I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I’m falling
I am falling safely to the ground

This is an amazing song that helps to sum up the true story, and travels of Christopher McCandless, a young college graduate who left society behind and ventured off into the wilderness of Alaska on a journey to find himself.  It is a very inspirational story, and I suggest you watch the movie if you have not had the chance, or pick up the book.

As I said, this is my favorite song.  I have listened to this song 60+ times in the last couple of months, have sung it over and over in my head as I worked.  Take a look at the first stanza, it speaks of being alone, and being better off than before.  Thoughts become things, and this song was my prevalent thought.  The universe doesn’t know that I don’t want it.  Why not?  You might ask.  Well if I tell you right now to not think about your car, the first thought that will come to your head will more than likely be your car.  So once again this proves how important it is to think of things we do want, think on things we want to experience.   As the weeks progressed, I became antsy, it was time for me to leave, I wanted to leave this all behind and just go, it didn’t matter where, as long as I was “better off than before.”

Work became work, life became hard, I started to attract all kinds of negative responses into my life, but I was conscious enough to come to my senses and realize it and started to work on forcing those thoughts back out of my head and replace them with thoughts of gratitude, and I can see things turning back around again, adn for that I am very grateful.

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Subtitle…”hello is this thing on?!”

  People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.  ~Thomas Szasz, “Personal Conduct,” The Second Sin, 1973

The work continues, I am still in the process of creating who I am and I feel as though I’m getting a bit closer with each step.

That is not to say that I never experience challenges, in fact I just came through a few weeks worth of challenges and I am still breathing.  What is the old saying? “That which doesn’t kill you makes you bitch and cry like a little fancy boy.”

The last couple of weeks, actually much longer than that has been a lesson in growth.  I have asked God, Source, The Universe for so much and believe me when I say I got it, but wasn’t prepared for the way it arrived.  For example I have asked for patience, well a little lesson I learned is that you aren’t just given patience, but instead you are put through experiences that teach you how to be patient.  Did I pass with flying colors?  No, just like in High School, the bumper sticker on my mama’s car reads, “My more consciously aware child beat up your honor student.”

I have asked to become a better leader.  Did the universe bestow upon me the wisdom of Solomon?  No, it once again brought me experiences that forced me to grow in order to become a better leader.   For example, I am not one for confrontation.  As a manager, a leader, or just a mentor to the two nieces I have helped raise, at times I have bit my tongue when I should have taken the opportunity to coach those around me in a manner that would benefit all.  Instead I have chosen to avoid that tough talk, allowing things to get so bad that they either boil over, or I just move onto a less stressful area of my life.

This all stems back from my upbringing.  As a family we always avoided those tough talks, instead we swallowed that one big camel, then choked on the gnats, but in such a way that would make anyone around you think you were insane.  That big issue that needed addressing would be put on the back burner, only to be brought up weeks later when the straw that broke the camels back was squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube and not the end.

Well this week, in order to grow, I finally forced myself to have that tough talk with someone who’s reaction could have escalated into one of those moments where cooler heads would not prevail.  Did I experience fear?  Yes, but I knew in order to get back to a healthy relationship, in order to ease my mind, I had to push through that fear and tackle the issue.  But I prepared myself, mentally and spiritually.  I knew the direction it could head into, and I promised myself I would not go down that path.  In the end, it all worked out exactly the way I wanted it to.  As a friend, a co-worker and a leader I grew, even if it were just an inch.  The lesson learned, pay now or pay later.  The only problem with paying later, it usually comes at the cost of a lot of interest.

The blog has been quiet, but the mind has not.  My learning has continued, I keep myself pretty busy with an ever increasing library from the…well…library.  Here’s a list of some of the books that I have read over the past couple of months.

• Today Matters - by John Maxwell.  (Book & Audio Book) One of the foremost authorities on leadership.  If you want to become a better leader, manager, parent, or even uncle, I suggest you get your hands on every book he ever wrote.  In fact, part of my dream board is to one day own this, the John Maxwell Leadership Library.
• Leadership Gold - by John Maxwell
• 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork - by John Maxwell
• There’s No Such Thing as Business Ethics - by John Maxwell (audio book)
• The Automatic Millionaire - by David Bach
• You’re Broke Because You Want To Be - by Larry Winget
• The Answer - by John Assaraf Honestly the best book I have read that fully explains the Law of Attraction.
• The Success Principles - by Jack Canfield (Book & Audio Book)
• The Success Principles For Teens - by Jack Canfield (read 2x’s) Part of a book project my youngest niece is working on this summer.
• Having It All- by John Assaraf
• Secrets of the Millionaire Mind - T Harv Eker (Audio Book)
• Freakonomics - Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner
• Think & Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill (Book & Audio Book)

There has been so many others that I have read, or listened to over the last 2-3 months, I have honestly lost count.  I am still grateful for the library, and my health, which now gives me the ability to actually read, and retain what it is I am reading.

The journey continues, tomorrow I will discuss how I got off track for a few weeks, and why.  The thing I am most grateful for right now, at this very moment, is that I can now see when I’m off my path.  I can feel it, and then pull myself back in.  I am not perfect, and in no way do I hope that I ever imply that I am, I am just like anyone else reading this, doing my best to keep my chin up, and my eyes on the prize.

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I can live for two months on a good compliment. ~Mark Twain

I was sitting down getting ready to go through my nightly ritual of meditation, visualization and affirmations when I noticed I had missed a phone call. It was Tanya one of my co-workers who has turned into a really good friend. So I called her back to see what was up and she said she just wanted to tell me that she was grateful that I had entered her life. That touched me. Tanya, if you are reading this, I am grateful to have met you too.

She also went on to say that she knew that I was someone special and was going on to do big things and followed it up with, “I don’t know if anyone told you that today or not…” The simple fact is I get told stuff like this all the time. I am so blessed with so many good friends that I can’t turn any direction without bumping into someone who cares for me, and I am so grateful to be blessed in such a manner.

That wasn’t the only compliment I received today. A young aunt and her little niece had gone horseback riding today and they were both really hot and tired from the Nevada sun. I didn’t know their back story until later, I just heard someone in the deli telling them that Starbucks had some water. So as I passed by them I told them to come right over and I’d have it ready for them, and of course we did.

She and her niece sat down in our lobby and ate a quick snack and drank their water, but on their way out I handed them a couple of samples of a new frappucino that we are selling, of course it was the creme base no caffeine for the little ones. All of this attention impressed her enough to call my bosses and let them know about me.

As I sit here writing this, I have come to the conclusion that I do not give enough compliments throughout the day, and it is my intention to actively, but with honesty, give out as many compliments as I can every day from here on out.

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Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.

Life was not meant to be difficult, but it sure as hell wasn’t meant to be easy. If it weren’t for the challenges we face in life, we would never have a chance to grow, physically, mentally or spiritually.

We have all been in the store and watched as a parent gives into every whim and demand to their little angel who is screaming at the top of their lungs non-stop. If this were to continue for the remainder of this child’s youth chances are, unless the parents are considerably wealthy, have a lot of pull or power in their career field so they can continue the spoiling into adulthood, this child will have learned nothing about patience, work ethic, gratitude, or any other virtues that help to make us whole beings. But if this parent were to say no to this child would that mean they loved them any less? No.  In fact it takes a lot more love to say no, than it does to say yes.

I don’t want to be that spoiled child in life who gets everything handed to them without any effort at all. I want to be able to understand what gratitude truly feels like, what accomplishment truly feels like, and that’s why we have challenges. Challenges are merely obstacles that we either go over or go around, either way we overcome them just enough to get back onto the path we were taking that was moving us forward.

It once again all boils down to perspective. You can look at challenges as either hard work, or an opportunity to grow whatever physical, or metaphysical muscle that needs to be worked on. Challenges in the past to me were hard work, they felt like punishment even though I had done nothing wrong. My mantra was, “Why me?” Now it’s “Why not me?”

Do I face every challenge with a smile on my face? You would know I was a miserable liar if I said yes. But I do face them with the knowledge that there is something wonderful waiting for me on the other side, so let’s figure out how to either get over this obstacle, or around it, because I can’t wait to see what it is.

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Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. ~Fran Lebowitz

I enjoy many things like watching t.v., sleeping, and eating, but not one of these things has brought me the fulfillment in life that I desire. When you consider that we spend almost one third of our life sleeping, another one third working, and then what’s left of the time we have spread amongst things like watching t.v., running errands, visiting family or friends, it is no wonder we think life is just passing us by.

I used to think that I was picky when it came to what I watched on t.v., until I added up the hours, and came to realize why I wasn’t accomplishing the goals I had in life. Over the past couple of weeks I have severely limited my t.v. intake to a maximum of two hours a day, and I am not even hitting that maximum target at all. I am maybe watching one hour, and the amount of time I have left to do the things I truly enjoy is staggering.

What does this have to do with being awake? Well I am awake literally, and metaphorically now. Today is my day off, and I am up at 7:30 in the morning ready to take on the world. I don’t have to be up, I want to be up, because there is a drive and energy within me that continues to grow, and this makes me very excited about the future. Sure I could very well spend a few more hours in bed, hell I could sleep off and on until noon if I put my mind to it, but I would rather make more progress in my life, even if it is just taking one step today in the direction I have chosen head in.

Sleep is not overrated, neither is eating, or entertainment they all have their place. However they don’t have their own purpose in our lives, but are here to serve our purpose in life. I have my hand on the rudder now, I am guiding this ship in the direction I choose to take it. Where it lands is only a part of the journey, so far the trip is pretty damn interesting and that is enough to satisfy me.

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There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.  ~Anaïs Nin

It has been awhile since I wrote out a bullet list of all the things I am grateful for so here it goes.

Today I am grateful for…

• My father
• My brother Donald
• My brother Eddie
• My sister Michele
• My nieces Hanna and Megan
• My friends
• My co-workers
• My job
• My car
• My  home
• My health
• My creativity
• My inspiration
• My determination

And last but not least I am grateful for my rose colored glasses that allow me to see the wonderful things that life brings me while weeding out all the garbage.

We all have rose colored glasses if we choose to wear them.  At the core of our brain stem is the RAS (reticular activation system) which weeds out repetitive stimuli to help us avoid sensory overload.  We see and hear hundreds of thousands of images and sounds a day, and the RAS essentially limits that amount to the images and sounds that we need to hear, or are allowing ourselves to hear.

However, through our subconscious we can choose to see and hear what it is we want to.  We have all had the experience of going out and buying a new car and then for days after we see that same car on the road everywhere we look.  The fact is those cars were already out there, we just weren’t paying any attention, or RAS was weeding it out because it was unimportant to us..  Now that we have decided on something we like, something we want,  we now see more of it.

This is where the power of positive thinking comes into play.  Buy retraining yourself to always find the positive in every situation, to no longer see problems but challenges that can be overcome, pretty soon the RAS begins to weed out all the unimportant negative stuff, while allowing the positive experiences to stand out.  They are all still there, both existing as they occur, but you are controlling your perception, you are wearing rose colored glasses.

Put them on for a test spin.  Start your day off with a gratitude list of things you want to see more of.  Feel the gratitude, be truly thankful, and begin to limit the negative thoughts that enter your head each and every day, and pretty soon you too will start to see the good in life.

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in·ten·tion  [in-ten-shuhn]
–noun
1.  an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.

Today  isn’t so much of a gratitude post, but is more of an intention post.

What I am trying to learn, is to get clarity, and focus on the things I want in life, I truly believe that is what separates really successful people, from the rest of the world.  Clarity is something I have lacked in in the past.  I have allowed myself to stumble through life not knowing what it was I wanted to do, what I wanted in life.  So today I plan on setting forth some intentions to gain control over my thoughts, and to get some clarity.   Because having clarity changes something from a simple wish, to a real goal.

For example in the past I have set goals of, “I want to lose weight this summer.”  Well if I lost one pound, I have achieved this weak attempt at a goal I set.  But having clarity would be to establish what I want to do, by how much, and by when.  A better example would be something like the goal I have set now.   I will weigh 155 pounds by 9:00 a.m., December 1st, 2008.   I can now measure my goals in time and quantity, this eliminates all confusion as to what it is I want in my life.  I am also writing these goals out onto 3 x 5 cards along with an affirmation to read every morning when I get up, throughout the day, and before I go to bed.   Each card looks like this:

Goal:  I will weigh 155 pounds by 9:00 a.m, December 1st 2008.

Affirmation:  I am so happy and grateful now that I weigh 155 pounds.  I have more energy, my joints and muscles are flexible, my body is fit and trim, and I am in complete control of my eating habits, making healthy choices.

In following along with my beliefs of Asking, Believing, and Receiving, I write out my affirmations as if the goal is already achieved.  I have asked by stating the goal, I have believed by quickly meditating on it, and I have received by going into a present state of gratitude accepting that it has already happened.

What I have learned recently is that this creates something called “structural tension,” in the brain.  The brain now has to fill this gap between the reality of what is, and the reality that you are creating with images in your sub-conscious.  The Law of Attraction goes to work, as well as the Law of GOYA *Get Off Your Ass*.  Your mind gets creative bringing forth ideas, and putting you into action in order to achieve these results.

Just like the intention I set forth on healing my body just a few weeks ago, the difference I feel since then is like night and day.  There is still room for improvement, because I am still in the process of healing my body.  But because I set forth that intention, my mind won’t let me rest until I make some sort of steps to improve my health, which presently comes in the form of doing core exercises using my exercise ball.

So my intention I am setting forth today is …

I am so happy and grateful now that I am the master of my thoughts.  Through meditation I have quited the mind and I am receiving clarity.

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The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. ~Author Unknown

I recall a number of years ago, when working for various companies I would be walking through the office and I would often get asked, “What’s wrong?” My response would always be that nothing was wrong, I was in deep thought. Well by the time I was asked three times in a span of ten minutes I would of course be ticked off. “Nothing’s wrong with me! I’m happy dammit!”

Well I am proud to say that I don’t experience that question anymore. While walking through work, I have come to find myself smiling when there was no other reason to smile, other than I truly was happy. People now comment that I have a great attitude, that I am all smiles, in fact one of the ladies who works at Von’s nicknamed me Smiley. When the assistant manager of the store returned from putting in some time at another store he jokingly said, “I couldn’t wait to get back to your smiling face Cary.”

After receiving another nice compliment the other day, I responded by telling the lady, “I’m one of those weird people who enjoy life.” She got a kick out of it. I can honestly say it is the truth. I am having fun, I am enjoying every minute, and I am excited about what the future is bringing.

It’s fun to smile, I suggest you try it. Every morning when you get up, force yourself to smile for at least sixty seconds and here’s why?

1. Smiling makes you attractive.
2. Smiling is contagious.
3. Smiling relieves stress
4. Smiling lowers blood pressure.
5. Smiling releases endorphins, seretonin, and natural pain killers.
6. Smiling boosts your immune system.
7. Smiling helps you to remain positive.

Can’t think of something to smile about? Picture my silly mug grinning from ear to ear as I walk through Von’s grocery humming a tune, while taking the garbage out.

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“Move your seat up I’m all cramped back here.”-Frank “It won’t move!”-Estelle “There’s a mechanism you just PUSH IT!”-Frank “Dad can’t you sit sideways? We are five blocks from the house.”-George “Sideways? Like an ANIMAL! Because of HER I have to sit like an ANIMAL! SERENITY NOW! SERENITY NOW!”-Frank “Serenity now?”-George “The doctor gave me a relaxation tape for my blood pressure. When I get stressed the man on the tape says to say SERENITY NOW!”-Frank “Did he say to yell it?”-George “The man wasn’t specific.”-Frank “What happened to the screen door? It blew off again.”-George “I TOLD YOU TO FIX THAT THING!”-Estelle “SERENITY NOW!!!!”-Frank

If you are a big fan of Seinfeld, then you’d get the serenity now moment.  When describing my quiet time in my car listening to music, Jim jokingly referred to it as having one of those moments.

All kidding aside, we all need a quiet place to just be, to go inside ourselves and to choose to think, or not think.  Or maybe just sing a happy tune, scream at the top of our lungs, whatever.  My time during my lunch, it’s a preemptive strike against negativity.  Every day I go to work inside a little kiosk, and quite honestly it’s a tight little space where we are often bumping into each other.  Not to mention an endless amount of beeping going off to let us know the creamers need to be changed, the espresso shots adjusted, the sanitized water needs to be changed, the coffees expired etc., and if you consider Pavlov’s theory, that you get a conditioned response to a conditioned stimuli, after awhile those little beeps and buzzers become a catalyst for negative energy.

What’s the point?  Well, when I go to lunch, I am still usually in a pretty good frame of mind, and I want to keep it that way.  On top of the tight quarters, and endless beeping, there’s the many moods that get brought to work by both employees and customers, so to just step away and just be quiet for a bit can be a life saver.  So I choose to use my car.  One reason is because the alternative means to either sit outside with the smokers, or sit in the break room with the others, and the conversations there usually take on endless bitching about work.  So, I either sit in my car, or I strap on the IPOD and just go to my inner space and detox a bit if you will.

This time “alone,” allows me to come back from my back feeling rejuvenated, ready to take on the next 2-3 hours that are left in my shift.  It is those last hours that are usually the hardest on my body, so I need everything including a great mental attitude to get me through them.  So while it’s not a serenity now moment, it is definitely serenity, and I am grateful for every minute of it.

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