Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.–Carl Bard

I am grateful that every morning brings me a new opportunity to put the past behind me, and create my present reality. It is not only important I learn to forgive myself for past mistakes, but in order to grow, and reap the abundance I claim, I must “go and sin no more.”

The past is exactly that, the past. It is behind me, it is done, there is no changing what has happened, but I do possess the ability change what is going to happen, and in order to manifest true abundance then I have to let go of the things I feel is holding me back.

I had this discussion with Sanjay awhile back about “sin.” I asked him for example if someone could live the law of attraction while at the same time live a life of crime and still attract abundance. I am still trying to understand the full extent of what I’m learning daily, but from what I gathered from the conversation, was that if someone, even though in the eyes of the world they were doing wrong, felt that they were doing right, then yes, they could still attract abundance.

I guess this explains why certain amoral people never get their just desserts in life, and why others who agonize over every trespass they make against man, regardless of whether or not it was a conscious decision, constantly reap what they feel is their punishment.

I am the latter, rather I should say I was. I was the guy who at night would lie awake and mull over every bad decision I made, seemingly regretting every single one, regardless of how small or big the indiscretion, or imposition was. I lived a life of constant regret, focusing only on the past, and allowing that to create my present reality.

What got me into going down this path, following this line of thinking was work related. The design firm I owned and operated provided services for the some of the largest adult companies on the Internet, our client base was in fact 100% adult related. We just provided designs for tours, and marketing materials, we were not content providers, however the old saying is, “When you lie down with dogs you get fleas.”

I will not go into detail here the kind of content we were subjected to, while it was all 100% legal, and the participation voluntary, it was still vile and degrading. After some time, even the “vanilla porn,” was equally vile and degrading. One day really sticks out to me, and sums up exactly how we all felt, it was while providing work for a company who prides itself in leading the industry in extreme, I received this ICQ message from my lead designer Thomas, “I lost a little more of my soul today.”

I now know this is why my business failed, because it is what I attracted, day in and day out. While I needed the money, deep down I no longer wanted to do this work, and neither did Thomas, or any of my other 20+ designers who were in my employ. All of that emotion combined together screaming that we no longer wanted to do this worked in our favor, and eventually I had to close the doors. I now understand this was a good thing, I just wasn’t grown up enough just yet, to make a conscious decision on my own to move the business in another direction, I was looking for easy money, and security.

Were we sinning? If so, was it against God? Man? Both? I don’t think it matters what you think, because in our own minds we were, and that was enough to hold me back from growing as a person and experiencing the abundance I deserve.

But not today, because today I grateful I am have a clean slate.

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