The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another. ~James Matthew Barrie
I am in the process of being myself, and I am grateful for that.
I find that as a species, we are much like chameleons, who, as a survival tactic, end up adapting, and altering our appearance in order to assimilate, and hide among our surroundings. I have known most of my life that one of the secrets to success at anything, was just to be yourself, or be true to your self.
Now I know I am a funny guy, all my life I have made people laugh, including some of the most uptight people imaginable. I was just being myself, because I enjoy making people laugh. My biggest thrill in life is finding an opening in a conversation, a brief moment where I can jump in, and quickly take people on my little roller coaster ride, this is where I shine. I look for these moments. If you find me sitting there being quiet during a conversation its because I am sitting there, like a hungry lion at a watering hole, waiting for that opportunity to wander by, so I can pounce.
As a stand up comic in my early twenties, for some reason, this was something I could not bring to the stage. There were a lot of reasons for this, the main one being that I was not yet grown up enough, or comfortable enough in my own skin, to bring myself up on stage.
There is some advice for first time speakers, when you are nervous, imagine your audience sitting there without any underwear on. Well in stand up comedy, the reverse is true, because you are the one that is naked, you are sitting out there on a stage all alone with no one else’s words but your own. I am not saying it is easier to be a stage actor, but it does help when you get to hide behind a character, costume and all, and recite words written by someone else, and in some cases, the play you are performing has been done hundreds of times, so you know you’re giving out quality product.
So what eventually happens, is as a stand up comic, you start looking for something to hide behind. You become a character, you bring in props, maybe a guitar, these items, no matter how successful the comic bringing them into his arsenal may be, are in my opinion just devices to shield you from possible rejection. Believe me, I know, towards the end of my brief career you could find me up on stage juggling.
I did this, all the time, knowing that if I could just bring the real me up on stage, you would find me in no time with my own HBO comedy special, maybe a sitcom, some movies, and a hosting gig on Saturday Night Live. But out of fear, I brought in the devices, I became the typical stand up who did bits, told jokes, and for Pete’s sake JUGGLED!
As I have grown up, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I am learning that it really doesn’t matter. What doesn’t matter? Anything, and everything.
Every day that I wake up means that God has given me another day of opportunities, and I can’t waste them living in fear of what people might think.
So, now that I am working on my new routines, I really don’t care whether or not everyone finds me funny. I don’t really care anymore if anyone finds me funny. As long as I make Jan laugh (out loud I might add) then I can die a happy man. All that matters in the end is I am being myself, I am being true to myself, I am responsible for my own happiness, and happy I will be, and for learning this, I am grateful.
