Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell. — Unknown
Cliff Notes:
I am grateful for opportunities.
Long drawn out rambling post:
I am on the right path, and how do I know this? Because so many opportunities have made themselves available to me in the past week, every time I turn around I’m getting pitched a new idea, or offered another job. But are they really opportunities? Sure, they are, however they are also to some degree, temptations. Temptations that could lead me off the path that I am on, temptations that look like the road less traveled, when in fact they are the road most often traveled.
We have all heard about the road less traveled, it is a phrase inspired by a Robert Frost Poem titled, The Road Not Taken. When I think of the road less traveled, it is the more difficult path, the one that does not afford you all the comforts of a well worn path, the road less traveled is the path of obstacles, challenges, and hurdles. It is a more interesting path, one that will force growth, instead of allowing you to sink back into security, knowing that someone, or something has already planned for your safety.
The road less traveled would be like traversing across the US riding in a box car, depression era hobo style, versus buying a new Cadillac and joining an auto club, then driving from Santa Monica to Chicago via Interstate 40. The road less travel takes you down the main street of small towns on the verge of financial bankruptcy, while the road more often traveled, takes you through cookie cutter suburban communities, that get stamped out over and over in each and every city you pass through. Take that path, and you are like any cartoon character on your favorite Saturday morning show, who would run in place, while only the background moved behind him, but even then, pay close attention to the background, because all it does is repeat itself.
So what am I babbling about? Opportunities right? Well one quick story on how I failed this test once before.
It was 1987 and I had been attempting a career at stand up comedy for two years, when I moved to Los Angeles to really pursue my dreams. Within a few months of arriving in LA, I was hired to work as a production assistant at commercial production company. I lost focus of why I was there to begin with, and after about six months, I realized I had made no attempts at trying to do stand up.
I found a club just down the street from where I lived in Long Beach that had an open mike night, so I headed down there one Tuesday, because it was time to give it a shot again.
The experience was interesting to say the least. Usually it is first come first served, and I was number three on the list. Before the night was over, I went on second to last, to a crowd of about eight people, which most were comedians, and one guy sat up front and wrote down my jokes as I said them. Yes, he was stealing my material, right in front of me.
After that night I had one of those little pep talks with myself, and the words flowed with ease, because I had fear standing next to me, whispering in my ear. I reminded myself that I was now working in Hollywood, opportunities were presenting themselves all the time, I could work my way up and be a producer, hell even a director, there was no reason to keep trying to do stand up, I had arrived!
Bull shit. I had just allowed fear to enter my life, and talk me out of pursuing a dream I had held since October 11, 1975. That was the very first night Saturday Night Live aired, it was the night John Belushi, among others was introduced to the world. It was the night I realized that is what I want to do.
But I chose the road more often traveled, because I had somehow tricked myself into thinking it was the road less traveled, and thirty-three years later I have been faced with the same dilemma.
I opened up to a few friends this last week, and announced that I was pursuing my dream of stand up comedy again, and oh boy did the flood gates open. I have been offered four more jobs since I got the Starbucks job this last week, included in the jobs offered, I was offered what some would consider a “golden opportunity.” I was offered a job to write two articles per week for an on line poker magazine, the pay could be considerably more than what I would make at Starbucks.
But I am turning it down for a number of reasons, most importantly it diverts me from the current path that I am on. Sure, I could still do stand up, and write about poker at the same time. Well most people could, but right now, I can’t. Poker for me at this current stage in my life, is dead, it has to be dead, and in order to write strategy articles, I would have to start spending a lot of time studying, and playing the game once again. I came to realize in my short career that I just don’t have the temperament for the game. For me the game became psychologically detrimental, I allowed it to destroy my self esteem. I often described to people the way I saw poker as a game that on some days would make you feel like a genius, while on other days, not even functionally retarded.
As I said, I discussed this opportunity with a number of friends, bouncing my feelings off of them, not looking for answers, but looking for some kind of confirmation on the decision I had already made. No, I wasn’t looking for someone to tell me what to do. I had already made my mind up. I didn’t even want someone to justify what I was doing, nor did I want their approval. I wanted someone to utter the very words that I was thinking, which I would somehow take as an affirmation, a sign from God, whatever that yes Cary, you are on the right path.
I had two confirmations that I was making the right decision. The first was during an impromptu Chinese Poker game that broke out that same day I got the offer. I didn’t play, I just hung out and talked with my friends as they did. On the very first hand of the game it began, the self-doubt, the frustration, it all began to pour out of their mouths as I just sat there and watched. “I hate this game.” “I don’t know why I play.” “I can’t ever make a hand.” Followed by sighs, and groans as they shuffled their cards around in their hands trying to make a decision. I do not miss that feeling.
The second confirmation I had, the one I was looking for, finally came around two in the morning. Funny thing is I had been expressing a certain sentiment when discussing this with friends throughout the day, but not one of them came up with this, except the only one I had not yet discussed it with.
Mylene, while sorting through her hand peered over her cards and asked me. “What are your dreams?” I stammered for a brief second, because even though I have expressed to people what I want to do, I had never used the word dream in association with it. I had said things like, “I’m going back into stand up.” But never had I expressed to my friends vocally, “My dreams are to be a stand up comic.”
But before I could answer she said, “You want to do stand up right?” I shook my head and said yes. “Well quit screwing around, and letting other things divert your attention away from that.”
That was it, in a nutshell. I had been saying that in so many words throughout the day, that I was on the right path, and I did not want anything diverting my attention away from it. I had my confirmation.
I am grateful for opportunities, it means I am on the right track. There will be many more to come, it is up to me to discern those which are right for me.
