But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. — Benjamin Disraeli
It used to be that days would pass, and I would get nothing accomplished, time would just slip through my fingers. I felt unproductive, as if I wasn’t contributing enough to this world, or myself.
Now I recognize that it was just all fear creeping in again. A fear of not getting anything accomplished in my short time on this planet, this is rooted in a fear of dying.
Instead of living in the moment, I was so worried about the future, that I would rush around to get it all done in just one day, ultimately getting nothing accomplished. My actions were inefficient, and I became indecisive trying to analyze all decisions as if the consequences were a matter of life or death. I was moving, a lot, but I was getting no where. To steal a poker term, my life had the “illusion of action.”
Every day now I try to live in the present and let the future take care of itself. I am now much more efficient, and more decisive in my actions. All of a sudden I have too much time on my hands. I am still moving, but the world seems to be standing still.
I am grateful for time, because of time I am now able to enjoy so much of this world. I now have time to write more, to learn more, to read more, to work more, and to relax more.
