“Everybody’s talking at me.
I don’t hear a word they’re saying,
Only the echoes of my mind.
People stopping staring,
I can’t see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.”

Growing up I saw a movie that had such a huge impact on me that to this day when I watch it I hope the ending changes.  That movie was Midnight Cowboy and starred Jon Voight as naive cowboy turned gigolo Joe Buck, and Dustin Hoffman as  “Ratso” Rizzo a sickly flim flam man aspiring to be Joe’s pimp.
These two misfits fail in their attempts at improving on their lot in life as Joe works the streets while Ratso daydreams of riches, and beautiful women awaiting him on the sunny beaches of Miami.

Ratso’s health continues to decline as they finally gather enough money to get off of the dank, dirty streets of New York.  They hop a bus to Florida, and as they cross the state line Joe nudges Ratso to awaken him but gets no response because Ratso has finally succumbed to whatever it is that ails him. While at times their relationship is rocky, after all the pain, all the mistrust each has had to overcome these two realise they don’t have much else in this world, and you can see how much Joe truly cares for his friend as he puts his arm around him, holds him gently and brushes the hair out of his eyes, while Harry Nilsson’s song plays hauntingly in the background once again.

This is the ending I am always hoping that changes when I watch this movie.  I want to see Joe and Ratso make it to Florida, I want to see them live the life they dreamt of.  But in the thirty years I have watched this film time and time again the ending hasn’t changed yet.

I guess what disturbs me most is I identify with these two characters a great deal.  I tend to identify with many misfits, maybe I see a bit of myself in them and their plight.  I also dream of better things for myself, a better life, and while I am no where near perfect and often make mistakes, I am not a bad guy.  I am a “misfit.”  I don’t fit in.

“I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Thru’ the pouring rain,
Going where the weather suits my clothes,
Backing off of the North East wind,
Sailing on summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone.”

I am sure you are wondering how this ties in with poker.  I guess it’s an analogy on my life, and how I got to where I am today, and how I wonder why I didn’t get to this point sooner.  You can also safely assume it’s a deeper look at my personal fears on how my life’s movie will end, fearing I will die on a greyhound bus before I get to my Florida.

What is “my Florida.”  It has been many things in my life but has changed as I have changed, as I have grown from a boy into a man.  As a child it was what i wanted to be when I grew up, as an adolescent it might have meant wealth and fame, but as I have matured and learned that riches don’t always begin with dollar signs, or equal the amount of “toys” I have accumulated it’s importance has taken on a deeper meaning.

“My Florida” now as I enter what is hopefully the half time of my life now includes my legacy.  What is more important now is what impact, and what imprint will I have left on this planet and the people I have known, have I made a difference or have I wasted what precious little time we are given on selfish endeavors?

“I won’t let you leave my love behind”

That last scene in my life has not been shot yet, there is no fade to black and the credits have not started rolling but I am in the third act.  The movie has been cast, the screenplay has been written although it is not in it’s final draft, changes are made daily.  When it’s all said and done, and my movie is in the can I often wonder if I will win an Oscar for my hard work, or maybe a Golden Globe.  Who the hell am I kidding?  I would settle for an MTV Movie Award but will probably get a Golden Raspberry.

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