When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self. — Confucious

Friends have said I have changed, so much so that they have to alter the way they view me as a person. I know I have changed, but what exactly is change? I have said it in the past, and I know that there are some who are just waiting for me to falter, like a fat guy on a diet, they want to catch me sneaking a donut, or a candy bar so they can scream “Aha!” point their finger and say, “I knew the real you was inside there somewhere.”

To some degree that has already happened. I had an experience recently where the old Cary came out, and part of the old Cary is my dark sense of humor. I made a joke about a subject that 99.9% of the world, except maybe the late Sam Kinison excluded, would consider it politically incorrect. One of the people in the room said, “I thought you changed.” They then laughed it off as if it were only a joke. But we all know people use tactics such as humor to express what they truly mean, and then try to hide it under the guise of “I was only joking.” However I knew deep down that is exactly what they wanted to think, so it would stop them from analyzing their own selves, and how they view this world we live in.

So once again what is change? Well I can tell you what it is not. It is not perfection. It does not mean you live a mistake free life. When I think of change, and if someone were to ask me if I changed I would say yes, because to me change is awareness.

I still make mistakes, all of the time. I still falter and allow my ego to rise up, or the competitive spirit to take over and create situations that I otherwise would rather not be in. But the awareness in me that is expanding every day I go on this journey allows me now to recognize all that for what it is, and because of this awareness I can now gain more control over myself during these situations and not allow them to blow out of proportion.

So I changed how I look at the world, so now I choose to focus on the positive rather than the negative, and I decided to speak words of praise and encouragement instead of tearing people, or more importantly myself down. Does this mean I walk on water, or can raise people from the dead? No, I am far from perfect and perfection is not what I am striving for, and neither should you, or we will both be very disappointed.

I am grateful for awareness. Because the more I become aware, the more those aspect of myself that I want to change inside me, die off and have less and less control.

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The Secret is: “The Law of Attraction”

Every day I come across evidence of the Law of Attraction working in my life, in the past couple of weeks I have seen some interesting things manifest themselves in my life.  I just wanted to share one funny incident that upon reflecting over my life, I have seen happen quite often.

My father and I we’d decide that we wanted to see an older movie, maybe it was a year old, or ten, it didn’t matter, we’d start talking about it and decide one night to go out and rent it.  Without fail, within days of paying for the rental, that movie, no matter how obscure, would show up for free on one of the movie channels we had subscribed to.

Now that I am studying the Law of Attraction I know why this happened.  Thoughts become things, we attract what we think about.

Well the other day, Sanjay gave me a spindle of movies to watch, some of the old, some of them new.  I went through and sorted out the ones I definitely wanted to watch and in the collection was the movie 23 starring Jim Carrey.  I have seen the movie, and I liked the concept, so I figured I would watch it again.  I mentioned the movie to my sister and nieces, because we had seen it when it came out in the theaters and told them how I had planned on watching it again.  We just happened to be talking about movies that day.

Well fast forward to a few days later when I’m watching the web cast for chapter 5 of Eckhart Tolle’s book on Oprah.Com.  During the webcast Eckhart mentions the movie 23 when talking about people who obsess over certain things.  I thought it was rather interesting that he did but didn’t pay much more attention to it.  After watching the show, I then went into the living room and turned on the t.v. to see what was on schedule that night, and there it was again, the movie 23.

I’m sure you’re sitting there wondering why this is important.  Well these are what my father and I call “faith builders.”  Using the Law of Attraction it is just as easy to manifest $1.00 as it is to manifest $1,000,000.00  the only thing that holds us back is ourselves.  We tell ourselves that a million dollars is much more difficult to obtain than one.  Well start out small.  Decide that today you’re going to manifest something small in your life, and once you see how easily it comes into your life, your faith then builds allowing you to create bigger and better things for your life.   Just ask, believe, and receive and watch the magic happen.

I enjoy these faith builders, because they remind me of all of the small things I have been blessed with, and I am receiving on a daily basis.  Should I be thankful that the movie 23 showed up for free on HBO?  I should be grateful for all things, big and small, especially if I want to continue to receive more blessings in my life.

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photo credit: Mr. Usaji

Health and cheerfulness naturally beget each other.  ~Joseph Addison

Everyday my body gets stronger, my muscles become more elastic, my joints more fluid, and I am grateful for the healing that I have received and continue to receive.

I am amazed at the changes my body has gone through in the past year, with 100 pounds and untold inches of fat gone, I am capable of so much more now, specifically of enjoying more of life.

I was at Wal-Mart when I noticed the blood pressure machine, I hadn’t had my blood pressure taken since my last fill, so I figured I would check it out.  My blood pressure was fine the last time I had it checked, but I was amazed when the numbers came back 117 over 72, and my heart rate was 85.  I don’t think I have even had numbers as good as this when I was a kid.

When I go walking on the treadmill now, I’m really having to kick it up a notch in order to achieve the same results I would have received months ago at such slower speeds.  It is amazing the transformation my body and health have had over the last 11 months.  The lap-band has helped, but it is only a tool, and a part of myself had to step up and help to make it happen.

I am not finished by any means.  I have lofty goals when it comes to my health, and every day I am pushing myself to make better overall choices.  But here is the important thing.  I don’t always succeed.  But guess what?  BIG F’in DEAL!  There are no more pity parties, no more blame.  I make decisions about my life.  Then good or bad I accept the consequences those decisions bring, and if they don’t bring the desired results I want, well then I have to make better decisions next time.  No more beating myself up over such small things in life.  I did that for most of my life, and it doesn’t lead me anywhere good.

I am learning to love myself, and it has been a fun and interesting experience, and part of that process has been to learn to forgive myself, and allow myself some room to make mistakes.  Mistakes aren’t a bad thing, it is only how we react in those situations that can be bad.  Me, I am working on hard on just picking myself up, dusting myself off, and going at it again until I get it right.

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photo credit: angrokor

Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you’ll be right.  ~H.H. “Breaker” Morant

First I would like to apologize for my lack of posting here recently.  I have been working a lot of mornings here lately, and mornings are usually when I write my posts.  It is hard to find the time to get up at 2:30 or 4:30 in the morning so I can get a post out.  In the past I’ve written some of the posts later on in the day, but here lately I have been pretty tired, I guess it is all catching up with me.  I get home, I take a nap, and them I’m just kind of out of it, not wanting to do much else for the remainder of the night.

Going back out into the work place, I went from 0-60 in no time flat.  I tested myself, and so far I have passed, but not without a cost.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not focusing on the negative stuff, I am just trying to explain my lack of posting here lately.  The plus side to all of this is the fact that I am actually physically capable of doing this at all.  I am approaching my one year anniversary since the lap-band surgery, and when I consider that at this time last year, I could barely walk through Wal-Mart let alone work standing for eight hours a day, that is one amazing accomplishment.

My body is getting stronger each day, I don’t want my life to be just about work, so when I do have days off, I try to spend them doing something with either family or friends.  Occasionally I just decide I’m going to relax for one of those days and not go anywhere.  I have started walking again on the treadmill *thanks to the IPOD*, so I am still working hard at keeping my life balanced between my job, fun time, and all of the inside work I’m doing on myself.  Am I tired?  Yes.  But am I enjoying myself?  A resounding yes.

I am excited on so many levels.  Life is great, and it is only getting better each day as I learn more about myself.  I missed posting, but let me stress, that just because I did not post a gratitude blog, I still have been saying my gratitudes out loud every morning, and throughout the day.  I have also been doing a lot of meditating and praying throughout the day.  So the work still continues, I just slacked there for a bit, but I am back and for that I am grateful.

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I will see it when I believe it. - Wayne Dyer

Yesterday was just another day full of abundance, and blessings, that just kept getting better and better.

Let me just start off by sharing a little story.  This last week, I did a favor for some friends and watched their dogs, and house while they were away on vacation.  When asked what I expected to get paid, my response was, “Not much, I sat here and ate free for a week.”  All I can say is that due to their generosity, some of the things I have been needing, and wanting, became a reality.

Awhile back, I accidentally washed my mp3 player.  I decided at the time, that this was a luxury item, something I didn’t really need.  Well since I started working, my car, and its CD player, have become my personal sanctuary whenever I go on break.  A few weeks ago, I quickly came to realize that its already starting to get too hot to sit in the car, and listen to music, or whatever audio book I’m going through at the moment.  So, yeah, I asked for a material thing.  I asked the universe / source / God, whatever you choose to call it, for an IPOD.  I didn’t know how I was going to get one, and with the turmoil Geico caused in my checking account, that put me behind.  The damage they caused, was almost half a weeks pay for me.

Because of the generosity shown by these friends, I was able to go and pick up myself an IPOD yesterday.  I don’t know how much I can stress how important music has become to me at work.  Those times that I am able to just go to my car and listen to something uplifting, really help me get through those days where its a bit hectic, or the pain in my back has become almost unbearable.  To have that ability, even during the summer, without racking up a huge gas bill running the A/C, to say it was imperative, is an understatement.

On top of that, there is a project that I have been wanting to work on, a video blog / podcast that I think a lot of people are ready for.  That project moved one step closer to becoming a reality yesterday.

The blessings continued to pour in.  Rita and Denny gave my nieces a great computer desk, and I spent the rest of my day over at their house helping to move out the old desk, and put in the new one.  Not only that, because of Randi’s blog post on SaveLV.Com, I was also able to score four tickets to The Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay for the family, and interestingly enough, CiCi’s, a buffet pizza place we ate at often, back in Texas, opened up here, so guess where we had dinner.  We have been waiting for almost five years for them to move this far west, and they finally got here.   Also the book I requested at the library showed up, and because of amnesty week, the library erased my $4.75 worth of fines, among other things.  Really, there were so many things that happened throughout the day, each and every one of them another blessing.

It was a cool day.  Not only was it full of blessings for me, but I in turn, was able to be a blessing to others.  That is the whole point of this journey, to live a life so overflowing in abundance, that it can’t help but pour out, and touch others.

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photo credit: sandrino

Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching? ~Dennis and Wendy Mannering

In between going to the Library, and crying over the latest Oprah Big Give episode I go to a job I love. Yes, I openly admit that I am a dork, but I am a happy dork.

To say that I love my job, does not mean that I never experience any issues with my job, my co-workers, or customers. I am only human, dealing with other human beings, so yes, there are moments at work where I ask myself, “Do I really love this job?” If I get past the back pain, and the occasional bit of attitude from someone trying to drag the rest of the world into their pain, I find that the answer is always yes.

Out of the roughly 15,000 days I have enjoyed on this planet, Starbucks, and my experiences there, will represent only a fraction of that time. My time there will soon come to a close, and another opportunity to advance, grow if you will, financially, mentally, and spiritually, will become available. However, while I am there, it is not only my duty, but my desire, to be the best employee I can be, so when an outside presence acknowledges that is exactly what I am doing, it just makes my day.

What am I going on about? Well, I walked into work yesterday knowing that once again I would be left to close alone. While for an entire week, other closers had help, some until 8:30 at night, I would not. That means non-stop work, and no breaks, even to the point that when I have to kneel down behind the counter just to get a sip of whatever it is I am drinking, I somehow feel guilty for violating company policy. I decided to just accept that, that is what it is, and there would be nothing I could do about it today.

As I walked in, I was told by Jason the assistant store manager over Von’s that I had some good news waiting for me, and when I got into the Starbucks Kiosk, Andreea told me that I had received another 5 star shop from Starbucks. I have had five different shops since I started working there, three of them from Von’s, and two from Starbucks, and all of them so far have been perfect.

The Starbucks shops I am especially proud of, and so is everyone in charge. These are the harder shops to get a perfect score on. The Von’s shop focuses only on customer service, whereas the Starbucks shop focuses on everything. Not only do you have to get all parts of the customer service part right, but the drink must also be perfect in weight and temperature.

Well needless to say, I didn’t care if I had to work alone for the next week, a dork like me, who loves that kind of crap, I was on cloud nine.  It once again reaffirms what I believe, that I am on the right path, and that I am holding up my end of the bargain when it comes to my job.

I am grateful for my job, and all of the opportunities it provides for me to learn, and grow. My time there is coming to an end, and I will take those lessons, and apply them elsewhere. My job is helping to make me a better person, and during that process, it is giving me a chance to affect others lives, in a positive way.

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What flatterers say, try to make true.  ~German Proverb

I do not write this to inflate my ego, I write this because I do believe in the Law of Attraction, and I want more of what I am going to write about this morning.

This week, at least four times, I have been told by friends that I either uplift them, or I am an inspiration to them.  The first thought that comes to my mind is of course self-doubt, and I immediately think, “Me?”

However, just as quickly as that thought enters my brain, I immediately replace it with one of gratitude, because the whole point of this adventure, is to learn to love myself, and until I can, and do, it will be that much harder to manifest some of the things I truly desire in my heart.

Do I want material things in life?  Sure.  There is nothing wrong with wanting toys, money, things that comfort the physical form.  But more importantly, I want my life to be blessed to the point that I can be a blessing to others, I want my life to overflow.  For me, my blessing comes, when I am able to give back to others, in whatever way possible, at this present moment.  Right now, I do so with my words, writing about trips to the bookstore, and the library, and that is of course just as important as donating money to a cause, because it is apparently having an impact on some people out there.

Not only are my words having an impact, but my actions as well.  Every day I go out into the world, and more than a few times each week I receive confirmation, whether it is from friends, co-workers, or complete strangers that they see something exciting inside me, and for that I am truly grateful.  I am too only human, and I too am in need every now and then for some inspiration, something to lift me up, and these compliments do just that.  They remind me that I am on the right track, they give me a strength to continue to go out and conquer things in my life that used to conquer me.

Thank you all for your wonderful compliments, you are all truly an inspiration to me.

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God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today.  Have you used one to say “thank you?”  ~William A. Ward

It is another beautiful day here in Las Vegas, and I just spent my breakfast / meditation, outside on the back porch.  What a way to start the day.   If this is a precursor of what is to come, then I’m in for another day full of blessings.

Yesterday, Friday, was payday and my day off.  I had made some plans to go walking with Jim, and to hang out with my sister and nieces at some point.  Neither plan happened, but that was a good thing.  I had already decided that for both of my days off, Friday and Saturday, they would be spent with me being a bit “selfish.”  I was going to do what I wanted to do, nothing more, and nothing less, so that is exactly what I did.

Ed gave me a coupon to Great Clips (thanks Ed!), and I had planned on getting a haircut.  So right then and there I saved almost $6.00 on that alone.  After that, I went to Vons and picked up my paycheck, and then headed over to Sam’s Club to pick up a new DVD, The Secret Things of God.  I had seen it last week, and it had piqued my interest, so that was just one of my guilty pleasures for the day.

I then headed over to Borders books because I was also wanting a book on CD to listen to in my car during lunch breaks from work.  I saw a number of titles I wanted, but I was just unwilling to spend $20-$40 on them, so I figured the next best thing to do would be to head over to the public library and see what they have available.  A visit there was already on my list, so I could turn in an overdue book.

Well needless to say, it was a good thing I went there, because they had two of the titles I had seen at Borders, and a few more that I went ahead and picked up.  I was excited, ready to get back to the house and start listening when I was hit with yet another blessing.  I apparently had racked up over $4.00 in fines over the last few months.  Not much mind you, but the librarian gave me some news, next week when I came in, all I had to do was ask, and they would erase those from my account.  Of course this is not only available to me, but all Clark County Library patrons.

In my bundle of electronic media goodies, I also picked up a DVD of Jack Canfield’s (Co-author of the Chicken Soup For The Soul series) The Success Principles.  This is an hour long presentation of the most important principles from his book of the same name, and I have to tell you, this DVD blew me away.  I immediately went on line to see if they had any copies of the book available at the public library, and yes they did.  Not only do they have the book, but the audio book on CD as well, so I requested both of them, and will run down there as soon as they pull my order.

I then spent the rest of my evening finishing Chapter 4 of Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, Awaken to Your Life’s Purpose.  This chapter is on role playing, and the roles our egos choose.  This is such an interesting book, and the video web casts are something I look forward to after each chapter.

Well that is my day in a nutshell, it was spent doing the things I love to do, and for some reason that seems to be always centered around books.  Today is shaping up to be another one of those kind of days, and it is hard to just be right here in the now, when all I can think of, is how excited I am to jump right in and get onto chapter 5, and start listening to all of these CDs.

I hope today you too will take some time, and do something you truly enjoy.

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To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation — Eckhart Tolle

There is no real past, there is no real future, there is only NOW.  Oh but Cary, what about yesterday?  That was just 24 hours of NOW moments.  Wherever you were at 9:25 a.m yesterday, that was NOW, at 1:18, again NOW, and as you read this sentence, NOW, and even tomorrow morning when you get up, that is another NOW moment.

I am in the process of reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, Awakening to your Life’s Purpose, and it is a fantastic book.  I had always heard people say things like, “Just be.”  But honestly I never quite understood, why or even how, but this book is teaching me all of that.

We live in a very busy world, our minds racing a million miles a second, or so it seems, and we are always either sweating the past, or worrying about the future, not even paying attention to the moment we are experiencing right then and there.  In fact, as I sat down and read my book yesterday, the thoughts of this post kept coming to me.  There I was in the midst of another beautiful day, the sun beating down on my body, the wind blowing through my hair, and all I wanted to do was move onto the next moment, which was well over twelve hours away.

We have all done this, I know I am not the only one.  Imagine all the discussions you have had in your head, the ones where the next time you saw so and so, you were going to tell them this, or that.  At times those discussions even take on a very negative tone, because you plan on telling that person off.  Did that moment even happen?  If you are like me, then probably not.  By the time I finally got to that moment, I either chickened out, or the situation rectified itself and there was nothing to even worry about to begin with.

Or I’ll be driving down the road, and my mind begins to wander about either a past issue, or once again an impending future one.  It is either something that has already happened, or something we think is going to happen, and the next thing I know, I’m accidentally cutting someone off.  I just put my life, and the life of others in jeopardy because I am not actually there in the now, I’m experiencing a week ago, again, or planning tomorrow, neither of which has any use to me right here and now.

I have been moving through this world, acting unconsciously, completely unaware, but no more.  I have little glimpses into these kinds of lessons, I even posted about something similar months ago.  But, just like any other good habit we develop, we need to constantly work on it, so as not to allow old bad habits to creep back in.  I started to slip back into some of my old ways of jumping in the car, and taking off to either work, or dinner with friends, careening through the streets at a hectic pace.  When I get like this, I immediately just start to feel my breath go in and out of my lungs, it brings me back to the now, it reminds me that I am alive, and need to be present.

Everything for me now has become sort of a meditation, even when it comes to my eating.  Now when I eat, unless when I am out with friends.  I turn off the t.v., the radio, I don’t even read a book, but I pay as much attention as I can to what it is I am doing.  For example when I eat my cereal in the morning I pay attention to every detail.  I think about how the food tastes, its texture, is it hot or cold, how it feels when I chew it, how it feels as it goes down my throat, and more importantly, how does my body feel, or react to it.  I am no longer eating, I am meditating.  I work on keeping all the thoughts about how the day may or may  not go out of my head, and focus on feeling the muscles in my jaw as I chew.  I am doing all my best to “just be.”

Has this helped?  It sure has.  I honestly can’t eat as much as I could, even just a few days ago.  Even with the lap-band, there are times where I can eat more than I should, but not when I am eating consciously.  My normal breakfast of kashi cereal with soy milk is now cut in half.  One of my favorite lunches of tuna salad with crackers that weighs a total of 3.5 oz, it is almost too much.  I now eat until my body tells me “Enough!”  My body is now satisfied, when my mind was thinking it wasn’t.

I am grateful for now, because now is all I have, all I ever had, and all I ever will have.

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Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be? ~Author Unknown

Okay, stick with me, it’s a bumpy but funny ride.

We attract what we think about most, and for some reason, a few weeks back, my thoughts started to gravitate towards money flowing away from me, and guess what happened. $40 I sent through the mail got lost, and then Geico Insurance decided to bill me for my insurance 10 days early, and on top of that, not only did my insurance go up from $136, to $154 per month, but they decided to bill me for $182.

Here’s the interesting thing. Normally at billing time I just call up and do a pay by check over the phone, but for some reason I decided I would do the responsible thing, and have them just automatically bill me each month. I never keep any money in that account, until bill time. So there was no reason for me to even check it until the 4th of April, when bills would start coming in.

However, for some reason, after talking to my dad about bouncing checks, a day later I checked my account, and yep that bill, that got pushed through way too early, bounced, causing not only a $34 NSF fee, but a $5.00 fee for each day the account was overdrawn. I immediately phoned Geico, and was told that if I would just fax my bank statement into them, they would take care of everything, so I did, but was hit with another $34 NSF fee the very next day because they tried to push it through again. So now I’m out over $80.

Geico received my fax, and I waited for them to go over it, and finally was able to discuss it with them last night. Immediately it was apparent that they were not going to pay for the over draft fees, the operator started by arguing points that was clearly wrong, and every time I proved them wrong, or created any doubt, they moved onto a new point that they just then discovered that once again proved it was my responsibility. This ended with them saying that I had agreed on line to pay this bill that was due on the 4th of April, on the 21st of March, but would from then on fall on the 4th of each month, which is laughable.

Now to the point. Did I attract this? Yes. My constant worrying about money going out made that happen exactly, money as soon as it entered my life, was going out. Now there was no reason for me to bounce a check, but yet within a few days of discussing this with my dad that is exactly what I did.

But the story gets better. While I’m on the phone with Geico, I hit up Progressive insurance on line and get a quote. Here is where the blessing comes in, because I was able to not only get liability through them, but add on uninsured motorist for a total of $114 a month, which is $40 less a month than Geico.

I told the operator that this was quite silly. Here I was, being lazy, and never seeing if I could get a better deal elsewhere, and this is after almost six years of doing business with Geico. My ego was clearly getting in the way, and I was going to argue about $80 in overdraft fees, and try to keep my policy with them. I was amazed that they did not even value me as a customer, well at least not for $80. So, I then thanked her for inspiring me to check elsewhere, and find a better deal.

So yeah, in a round about way, I am grateful for Geico, because of them, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching FROM Geico.

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